Written by: Terry Rossio and Ted Elliot. (Based on the book by: Tim Powers.)
Starring: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane and Geoffrey Rush.
Music by: Hanz Zimmer.
Year of release: 2011.
Budget: $150 Million.
Gross Revenue: $390, 847, 774... so far.
Ah Johnny Depp. Everything he touches seems to turn to gold (apparently with the exception of The Tourist, which I'm yet to see). What's more is that women love him. Apparently he's what's passing for bohemian these days, despite the fact that he's presumably loaded, which is certainly a paradox. I guess it goes without saying that you can be as bohemian as you want, but unless you're a power earner, you'll never be a sex symbol-- fuhgeddaboutit!
I was never a big fan of the Pirate movies. For the record, I think Johnny Depp saved them, and without him they'd all be mediocre films at best. But even with Johnny Depp, I still didn't get the appeal. For one thing, I could never understand what was going on. I only ever saw them at the movies, having never felt the need to rent them on DVD, which is a mistake since I'm guessing it's the kind of franchise that requires a mandatory movie marathon before you view the next one, kinda like Harry Potter. Alas, I never watched them religiously and I remember seeing Barbossa's big reveal at the end of the second movie and barely remembering who the guy was. Although, they must be doing something right, because they are really popular. My girlfriend loves them.
One thing that Stranger Tides has going for it is that you don't really have to be fluent in the intricacies of the plot of the previous films. No friends, this is a completely new adventure featuring old characters from the other films. Johnny Depp was the comic relief in the other Pirate movies, and I read in a review that he struggled as the lead in this film. I don't agree. Depp was great as the lead character. I guess you just have to accept that he's not going to be cracking wise every time he's on screen. There is exposition that needs to be taken care of after all. Penelope Cruz's character is underdeveloped, but hey it's a blockbuster right? They don't have time to give any women a fully developed role.
What I liked most about Stranger Tides was the sense of adventure that prevailed throughout. It's one those movies where you go in with all the worries of your life whirling around in your head like some kind of demented dervish and then as soon as Jack Sparrow appears you just say 'Fuck it!' and go along for the ride. A variety of interesting plot developments help sustain this sense: There is a scene that occurs about half-way through the film with mermaids. These aren't the type that sing about how wonderful marine life is with talking crustaceans however, rather they are talked about by the other characters as if they were vicious monsters, who lure pirates into the water to copulate with them before eating them under the sea. Their introduction is a great scene. When it played out in the cinema, an overweight guy sitting in front of me said: “Ha! Just like my last marriage!” No, nobody said that. But you can just imagine some forty-five year old man in a middle-management position at a moderately successful I.T. Firm taking his kids to see the movie on his weekend of custody, and saying it. The kids just get all teary-eyed and look up at him and later on he's telling them not tell their mother about what it because she'll just get “...all pissy.”
Also, Ian McShane should be in more movies. He kills as Captain Blackbeard, though he would kill even more if they let him swear. In-fact, they should've just cast him as his character in Deadwood, Al Swearengen. They could explain it by saying that one of the pirate ships in the movie is capable of time travel, and for some reason it goes to the town of Deadwood and Al Swearengen hops on board and kills the captain and decides to go on all kinds of crazy adventures. Then when he encounters the whole Priest/Mermaid sub-plot, he could just shoot the priest and say “That guy is so fucking cunt struck...” before sailing on around the world with his crew of thugs.
Anyway, what else needs to be said about this movie? Fuck it man, it's Pirates. You should know what you're gonna get at this point in the franchise. I guess I could tell you that I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I was going to. I was preparing for a 120 minute arse numbing experience, and while my arse was numb when I left the cinema, I was pretty satisfied with the adventure. Johnny Depp is funny as Jack Sparrow, and I'd sit through four screenings of Mariah Carey's Glitter if it was scored by Hanz Zimmer.
Three stars:
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